Caged
by XionTheBlackRose
Summary: All Roxas wants is to fade away so know one will care about him, because if someone cares, that means they will get involved in his life. That's the last thing he wants because he doesn't want people to know his father is an abusive drunk, but Axel finds out. Axel tries to help, but Roxas keeps him at bay at every chance. Can Axel save Roxas before he ends up just like Ventus?
1. What We Want

"I don't want people to know me. I don't want anyone to remember who I once was. I want to fade into the background and stay there. My life is nothing special, I'm nothing to brag about. I want to be forgotten in the light of someone else. I am a caged bird, and that is how I want to stay. My name is Roxas, and this is what I want," I read off a slip of paper before the class.

Professor Braig nods thoughtfully, "Hm, well, wasn't that certainly something, everybody?"

No one was saying anything. I sigh, "Can I go sit down now?"

The Professor nods, "Take a seat kid. Okay, next to read their 'Want' poem is Sora."

I move to my seat and as I do Seifer smirks, "Loser" and all his friends laugh. I roll my eyes and walk past them. I take my seat right as Sora gets to the front of the classroom. My best friend Axel pats my back, "I thought that was pretty good. A lot of people want to be somebody."

"Why would I ever want that? The last thing I'd want is for someone to be getting into my private business," I sigh.

Axel nods, "That makes sense."

"What's yours say?" I ask.

He smirks, "You'll have to wait till it's my turn."

I roll my eyes and smile slightly, "Sure, whatever."

He chuckles, "Ever so nice, aren't you, Rox?"

I sigh and lay my head down, "I have such a headache.."

"Need somethin' for it?" Axel asks.

I look at him, "I thought you quit that?"

He smirks lightly, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

I sigh, "You're an idiot, sometimes."

"So you keep saying," he smirks and kicks my chair.

"You should listen to me more, then," I lay down again.

He chuckles, "Wouldn't you like that?"

"Yeah, I would," I say.

He chuckles again and I bring my attention back to the front of the class. I listen as the rest of the class give their poems, but the only one that really interests me is Namine's: _"I want to be free; Free to be me, and to do what I love. I want to be remembered for my passions, not just who I was, but what I did. I want people to remember me for who I am, really. Not for who they think I was. I just want to be me. My name is Namine, and I want to be free."_

_To be free is a hoax. Freedom doesn't exist._ I smile slightly, "That was.. Nice."

"You think?" Axel replies, "'Cause I thought it was too deep."

"You think everything with real feeling is too deep," I say.

He groans, "Oh, shut it."

I shake my head, "I'm going to sleep."

* * *

"Dad, I'm home," I say, coming into the living room. I look around, but find him nowhere. Cloud comes out of the kitchen, a bottle in hand. I frown, "How many have you had?"

He glares at me, "None of your business, brat."

I sigh, "Dad, you know that stuff isn't good for you."

He comes up to me and smacks me across the face, knocking my head to the side. He says gruffly, "Don't try to tell me what's good for me, kid. Last time I checked, I'm the adult."

I look back at him, "Yeah, I know.."

He pushes me and I fall. He steps over me, "Go do your homework or somethin' and get out of my sight."

I frown and get up, picking my backpack up off the floor. I head for the stairs, but stop. I turn to my father, "When was the last time you went to work?"

He glares at me, "That's not your problem. Get lost!"

Cloud throws a cup at me and I duck. It smashes against the wall where my head was. I look at him, wide-eyed, "Are you out of your mind?! That could have killed me!"

"You want me to try an' kill you?" he laughs, "I'll try an' kill you."

He takes a swig from the bottle and sets it down. He turns to me and grins. I gasp and rush up the stairs as he comes after me. I get to the top and as I'm about to turn the corner, he grabs bag and yanks backwards. We both go tumbling down the stairs. I gasp when my head hits the wall. I groan and sit up, then stand seeing he's getting up, too.

"Damn brat, you knocked me down," he growls.

"No, I didn't!" I say, running back up the stairs again.

Again, he follows me and I groan, _My backpack's down there._ I ignore that thought and run for my room, but again, he catches me. He slams me into the wall, "Gotcha, brat!"

"Let go," I say.

He smacks me again, "Don't tell me what to do."

"You're drunk.." I groan, trying to get away from him, but he keeps me there and he smacks me again, "Shut up, will you?!"

I gasp as blood fills my mouth, _I bit my tongue. _He chuckles and throws me to the floor. I cough and blood hits the carpet from where I was holding it in. I cough again and sit up, turning back to my father. He glares down at me, "Got somethin' else to say, kid?"

I shake my head slowly and he smirks, "What? Are you afraid of me? That hurts, Roxas."

_No, it doesn't. Stop it, don't say anything, it won't help you. _I just stare at him. He chuckles again and kicks me in the stomach. I grunt and cough as he kicks me over and over. Finally he stops and then he laughs at me, "Had enough? Keep your mouth shut next time."

He goes back downstairs and I sit up slowly. I stand and lean against the wall, staring at the floor, waiting for the spots I'm seeing to go away. After they do, I sneak back downstairs, and finding my dad isn't around there, I grab my bag and head back to my room. I go in and close the door behind me. I sigh and sit on my bed, "Might as well do my homework now.."


	2. Keeping Secrets

"Hey, are you okay, man? You don't look so good," Axel says.

I frown, "I'm fine, I've just been having a hard time sleeping, is all."

He frowns then, "Something going on at home?"

I shake my head, "Nope, just up late studying."

"Well, then at least you should pass Saix's test; You know, the one we're having _next_ week. Gonna lie again, Rox?" Axel's eyes narrow.

I sigh, "Nothing's going on, Axel. I _was_ studying, just not very much."

I grin sheepishly and he asks, "So, it's the nightmares, then?"

My frown deepens, "Can we just avoid that conversation?"

He sighs, "Roxas, I really think you aught to see someone about what your brother's death is doing to you."

"He died two years ago, Axel, let it go," I say, "I have."

"Like hell you have. Roxas, Ventus was my friend, too," he replies, grabbing my arm, "I _know_ you're still hurting."

"This isn't about him," I pull my arm from him and he stares at me, "Then what is it about?"

I sigh and look away from my best friend, "I can't tell you."

He groans and walks past me, "Have it your way, then."

I sigh and follow after him, "Axel, wait."

"What?" he asks, not looking at me.

I frown, "I know you're mad, but-"

"Mad? No, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. We promised to stop keeping secrets from each other after The Larxene Thing," he replies, "So, I spill my guts, but your pain's not accessible? That's not fair, Rox."

I groan, _The Larxene Thing, how can I forget? _Larxene got Axel into a lot of problems. She had him on drugs and selling them, too. Axel almost went to jail on many accounts because of that girl. She's a whore, she was all over Axel, and everyone else she came in contact with. But not me, of course, I wasn't her type. I was _Little Boy Rox._ What a joke those people were, how could Axel have ever been friends?

Larxene broke up with Axel because he stopped selling her dope, and when she got into selling it, she got busted first round. She blames Axel, and I know he really liked her, but he's swore off her and her drugs. That's a good thing, he really doesn't need to be getting into that stuff again. It almost destroyed him as a person. Why do people openly accept such horrors? Drugs, alcohol? It's all the same: It causes pain to everyone around you.

After she went to jail, Axel and I promised to never keep things from each other. But that was before my mom left, and my dad started drinking, and my brother drowned in the pond behind our house. That promise was before my world ended, and I don't want anyone, even Axel, knowing what my real life is like. I can't afford anyone to know, they'll want to get involved, and I can't have that, either.

"Roxas?" Axel asks.

I look at him, "What?"

"Still not gonna tell me what's on your mind, huh?" he sighs, "Should have known."

"Axel, stop that. You know I don't fall for stuff like that," I say.

He sighs then grins, "Had to try. Now, are you ready for my poem in class?"

I sigh and smile, "Sure, can't wait."

* * *

"I want remembrance. To be remembered is to be eternal. If someone remembers you, you can never fade away, you'll always be alive, with that person. To have people remember you, is to have your life keep going, even if you're no longer there. Remembrance is eternal. I am Axel, so remember me, got it memorized?" Axel grins.

Braig smiles, "Well, I certainly enjoyed that one. Sit down, now, Axel."

Axel takes his seat behind me and kicks my chair, "So, what did you think?"

"It was really good," I reply, "Really_ really_ good."

He smiles, "Awesome."

I chuckle softly, and Braig starts talking, "Now that all the poems have been read, hand them all up, it's grading time." We do this, and he continues, "Now that this project is over, it's time to start reading."

Groans fill the room and Braig laughs, "It's not that bad!"

* * *

I look for Axel at lunch and I end up running into Namine. She gasps, dropping her lunch bag, "I-I'm sorry!"

I shrug, picking it up and handing it back for her, "It's no problem."

She smiles softly, taking the bag, "Thanks."

"Hey, Namine!"

I turn to see Seifer making his way over here. I frown and Namine smiles shyly, "Hi, Seifer."

He comes over and puts an arm around her, "This guy bothering you?"

"Not at all," she replies.

He nods, "Good," then he kisses her on the mouth and she backs up, "Seifer.."

"What?" he frowns, grabbing her shoulder with the arm that's leaning on her and he pulls her back to him and he kisses her again, "You like it, don't you?"

She pushes at him, "Seifer, not here."

I frown and he kisses her again, holding her against him. She grunts and tries to push him again, "Stop it..!"

I grab Seifer's arm and pull him back slightly. He glares at me then pushes me, knocking me down, "Get out of here, brat!"

I stand, "Leave her alone, Seifer."

He grins and releases her, turning to me, "And if I don't? What are you going to do? Make me?"

"Yes," I reply, more bravely than I felt.

He grins, "That so, loser? We'll just see won't we? I'll make sure you know to stay away from my girlfriend."

"Maybe you should stay away from her," I say.

His grin turns to a growl, "Don't get stupid, loser."

I frown, "She obviously doesn't want you hanging all over her, so why don't you stop it?"

He snarls, walking towards me, the next thing I know, he's in front of me, his fist in my shirt, and he lifts me off the ground, "Gonna make me? _Loser?_"


	3. What's Wrong With Me?

I want to tell him "Yes, I will make you," but I'm not that strong. I want to help Namine, but now I can't help myself. This is what I get for trying to play hero and now he's going to beat me up. Not how I wanted my day to go, but I guess you reap what you sew. He snarls and draws back to punch me. I stare him in the eye and glare back, I don't even make a sound when the hit connects to my face. Damn, it hurt though.

"If you beg for forgiveness, I might just let you leave with your face still intact," he sneers.

_No way in hell am I begging for shit from him._ I look at him and just glare, refusing to give him what he wants. He grunts then punches me again. I try my best to keep my expression neutral, but I guess I failed this time, given how Seifer laughs at me, "Does that hurt enough, Roxie?"

I grunt and glare at him, "Don't call me that."

"Why not?" he laughs and hits me again.

I can't tell how bad I look right now, but I don't care, sure this hurts, but now I"m just getting annoyed. Roxie is a girl's name, and I'm not a freaking girl! I lift my hands and I push on him, trying to break his hold, and when that doesn't work, I bring my leg up and high as I can, and I kick. He yelps and drops me, stumbling back. I land on my back and quickly scramble up.

_I'm going to really get it now._ I hadn't noticed the ring of surrounding students, and when I scanned their faces, I couldn't find Namine, or even one of my friends, not that I have many. I look back to Seifer and he growls at me, "I'll make you pay for that!"

_Where's a teacher when you need one?_ I stand fully and swallow, staring back at him, _Yup. He's going to kill me now._ He comes at me and he punches me square in the face. I gasp in pain and stumble back, into the crowd, and they push me right back into the ring, where Seifer punches me again. The impact lands me on the floor, on my back. _Again._

I stand again, wearily. My legs are shaking lightly, and my vision's becoming a little blurry. But nonetheless, I face Seifer again. He grabs my shirt again and he frowns, glaring at me, "This'll teach you to ever hit me again, or mess with Namine."

He reels back to hit me again and I just stare at him. If he's going to kill me, I'm going out like I'm not afraid of death. He swings his fist, and just before it connects with my face, it stops. I blink and look to my left, noticing the hand that's stopping Seifer's punch. My eyes widen and I gasp, "Axel?"

Axel grunts and pushes Seifer away from me, making him release my shirt. He then moves in front of me, "You like picking on the younger kids, Seifer?"

Seifer grumbles and stands and Axel growls, "What was that?"

"I said fuck off!" Seifer spits.

Axel's eyes narrow, "Want me to rip that tongue out for you?"

Seifer frowns and wipes his mouth, for what, I don't know. Axel didn't even hit him. He then smirks, "Later, losers," and he leaves. I frown, _Who's the coward now?_ The crowd disperses at Seifer's leave, and I look around again for Namine, but she still isn't there. I frown, then sigh, and then Axel turns on me, "Are you crazy? _Insane_, maybe? Do you want a death wish? Why'd you pick a fight with Seifer?"

I swallow and frown, "I.. I didn't."

"It sure as hell didn't look that way," he grunts, "Roxas, what's going on? You know better than to start fights, given you have no fighting skills whatsoever."

I sigh, "Axel, I didn't start the fight. Seifer was messing with this girl and I told him to leave her alone, that's all. I didn't want to fight him."

Axel sighs, his eyes softening, "Well, a fight's what you got. What would have happened if I hadn't come to your rescue?"

"I'd be dead?" I halfheartedly joke.

Axel lets a small smirk by and he shakes his head, leading me from the lunchroom, "Let's just make you presentable, you still have classes to attend, you know."

I smile softly, "Right.." and let him lead me to the boy's room. He pulls me to the sink and he wets a paper towel. While he does this, I stare into the mirror and frown at what I see. the right side of my face is red and almost swollen and the left side has two big bruises on it, my nose is bleeding, and my bottom lip is busted. My right eye is turning purple, too. I sigh and look away. Axel puts a hand under my chin and moves my face gently towards him.

He smiles lightly at me, "It's not that bad."

He takes the wet paper and gently dabs at my broken face. I frown, "No, it is. I look horrible."

He chuckles softly, "Even without this, you still think you look bad. Don't be so mean to yourself. You look fine."

I blush lightly and frown, _Why am I blushing? He's just trying to make me feel better.. So, why can't I stop blushing?_ He continues to dab the wet paper on my face, trying to help, "You know, maybe you should just keep to yourself a little."

"I already do that, and it never helps," I frown, "Not like it would, everyone picks on me anyway."

"I won't let them," he replies.

I pull back and glare at him, "I don't need you to take care of me, I'm not a kid, Axel."

He sighs, throwing the paper away, "Roxas, don't shut me out, now. Come on, you know I'm just trying to help you."

I frown, looking away, "I know, and I don't want help."

The bell rings and I pivot and head back into the hall. Axel calls after me, but I keep going. I sigh and head for my locker, _What is happening to me?_


	4. I'm Not Okay

_I'm certainly going crazy. There's no way I actually like Axel. No way, no way at all. I must be suffering some kind of illness. Yeah, that must be it. I'm just crazy._ I sigh, walking down the hallway, heading for the buses so I can go home. I look around, trying to keep an eye out for Seifer, I don't want another fight with him. I'm also avoiding Axel, since I have no idea what to tell him about my freak-out earlier.

"Roxas!" Axel shouts.

_Damn._ I try to walk faster but Axel grabs my arm, "Hey.."

I turn, pulling my arm from him, "What do you want? I'm going to miss my bus."

"We ride the same bus, Rox," he says, walking beside me.

I choose to ignore him and he frowns, staring me down. I glare at him, "What are you staring at? I know I look horrible."

He frowns, "Roxas, are you okay? I know you're hurt, but don't get mad at me for nothing. I'm not the one who picked a fight with the biggest jerk in school."

"I didn't pick that fight!" I groan, "Leave me alone!"

I start running until I find my bus and I get on, going to the back of the bus. I sigh and lean against the window, closing my eyes. _Why can't people just let me be a shadow on the wall and leave me alone? _I open my eyes to find Axel sitting beside me. He looks at me, his expression unreadable. I frown and look back out the window. I dig my IPod out of my backpack and turn it on, slipping ear buds in.

Trying to drown out everything with moderately loud rock songs, hoping to just be left alone until I get home. Perfect plan, listen to music to keep from thinking of anything, but that's not what I get. Because I can't just disappear like I want to. Axel taps my shoulder and I pull one of the ear buds out and turn to him, "Yeah..?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I've been on edge lately," he sighs.

I blink slowly, "On edge?"

He nods, "Yeah, Larxene keeps coming by and calling me, and I keep trying to avoid her. It's stressing me out."

I frown, "She wants you to do drugs again?"

He nods, leaning back, closing his eyes, "Yeah, but don't worry, I haven't touched anything."

"I wasn't saying.." I turn to the window, "I believe you."

He yanks on my headphones, "Whatcha listenin' too?"

I look at him and he's grinning slightly now. I smile softly, "Linkin Park."

"Song?" he asks, putting the ear bud I took out in his ear.

I restart the song for him, "In The End."

We listen to the songs on my IPod until my house comes into view and I turn off the device, putting it back in my backpack. Axel moves so I can get out and I wave to him and he waves back. I get off the bus and go inside my house, "Hey, Dad, I'm home."

I look around and the house is dark. I swallow and call out, "Dad? Are you here? Hello?"

No one answers me and I slowly make my way to the stairs, looking around for the light switch. I find the one by the stairs and turn it on. The living room is bathed in light, but it's empty, except for a few empty beer bottles lying on the table. I sigh, "He's probably out buying more." and I head up to my room. I get inside and throw my bag on the bed then head into the bathroom to figure out a way to hide this hideous mess that is my face.

I look through everything I can find, but I still can't find anything to cover my face with. I sigh and head back to my room. I turn my IPod on and listen to music as I do my homework. It takes an hour to finish, and I put everything back the way it was. I move about, cleaning my room, and making my bed. I o downstairs to clean the rest of the house, I'd hate to give Dad a reason to punish me.

It takes another hour and a half to finish all the housework, and I smile, "Great, everything's spotless."

I nod to myself and head back to my room. My phone vibrates and I pick it up off my dresser to find a message from Axel, asking me if I was okay, since I seemed so upset after school. I sigh and text him back that I am and I lay on my bed, "I'm going to take a nap, I think I've deserved at least that." I close my eyes and turn off the light on my dresser, the only light I have in my room, and I sleep.

I'm woke up by the front door slamming. I groan softly and sit up, Dad's back. I sigh and sit up, rubbing my eyes, wincing at the irritation to my black eye. _He's not going to like my face like this. Well, at least I cleaned the house so he can't be too mad. Right?_ I look around, focusing on the alarm clock by my light. It's seven forty-five in the evening. I stand and move to the door, leaning against it, trying to hear out, figure what's going on.

"He should be... Be up... Up in.. His room, yeah?" Dad was saying.

I frown, _He's drunk. Really drunk._ Another man's voice I don't recognize says, "He better be, and he better be good. I'm paying real good money."

"He'll be fine!" Dad replies.

My frown deepens, _Is he talking about me? _

"He better. For a hundred, he better be fuckin' perfect!" the man shouts.

"He'll be j-just f-fine!" Dad says, then something crashes, and he speaks again, "You get 'im for the whole night. So pay.. Pay up!"

I lock the door and back up, eyes wide, "He didn't..."


	5. Betrayal

The door's locked, _I'm safe. I'm safe, right? He can't get through the door, he can't get to me. No one can get to me, I"m safe. I'm safe. I'm safe.._ Someone clambers up the stairs and I swallow, _Dad? Could just be Dad. No, why would it be? He's taking money from some guy who wants to..._ Someone yells as something breaks and I back up, sitting on my bed. I shake my head, trying to keep myself calm. _No, I'm safe. He can't get me. No one can get me. I'm safe. Safe. _

The clambering continues and I grimace wit every step headed my way. _This is not happening, it can't be happening._ The doorknob moves and the stranger says, "It's locked!"

My heart's racing, I'm frozen in place. _This can't happen._

My Dad replies, "Move, I can get it. Always... Have a key."

I shake my head and look for a place to hide. _I don't see one. Under the bed, maybe? No, too risky, I'll be trapped. There's nowhere to hide!_ The door swings open and Dad's standing in the doorway with a man I don't recognize. Dad grins at me, "Have a nice night."

The man walks into the room and smiles, "He's definitely cute, Cloud."

"Told you!" Dad laughs, too loud, and takes a swig of whatever bottle he has in his hand.

I scoot away as the man comes closer. My back's against the wall and I can't stop shaking. _Not safe! Sot safe! Not safe! Not safe! Not safe! Not safe! _The man comes at me quickly, pushing me onto the bed. I struggle against his weight, but he's bigger than me, and keeps me down. I gasp and try to kick him but he straddles me, making my kicking useless because they won't hit anything now. He keeps my hands pinned down with his own and he grins at me, "I hope you'll be as good as you look."

I swallow and keep moving, trying to get up, even though I know I can't. He chuckles and keeps my hands pinned with one of his own, moving my hands over my head and together. With his free hand he lifts the bottom of my shirt.

"No!" I gasp, "Stop!"

He just chuckles, releasing me for a moment to pull my shirt off, then pins me against the bed again. I grunt softly and struggle against him, doing anything I can to get away, but it's hopeless. I can't get him off me. I open my mouth to call Dad for help, but then I stop. _Dad's the one who's letting this guy do this to me. He won't help. Maybe I can scream loud enough to get someone to help me. But we live in the country. The only person even remotely close is Axel, and he lives two miles down. I'm stuck, hopelessly stuck._

The man moves and unbuttons my pants and I try to kick him but he weighs me down. I'm not sure how, but he somehow gets my pants off. I squirm and he smirks at me, "This'll be fun."

He turns me over and I try to crawl away but he has me pinned again in a second. I gasp as something's pushed inside me. I groan and clutch the covers in my fists, clenching my teeth to keep from making a sound. It hurt, but I didn't want him, or Dad, to know it. _I have to get through this. That's all I can do, get through it._ I grip the covers tighter as the pain increases and a moan escapes me.

* * *

"I hate you!" I scream at my Dad as soon as the man who raped me was gone.

Dad stares at me, then he smirks, "Why? I helped you out."

"Helped me?!" I grip my hair, "What the _hell_ told you that was _helping?!_"

Cloud snarls, "Don't talk to me like that!"

He takes his belt off and folds it over. He walks towards me and smacks me with it, knocking me down. He growls, "Ingrate!" and keeps hitting me with it. He hits my chest and stomach, but not my face. The bruises Seifer gave me are just starting to heal and he doesn't want anyone knowing what he does to me, so he hits me everywhere else it can't be seen. It still hurts, this hurts a lot, I've never been hit by a belt.

He hits me repeatedly and I yell , trying to kick him away. He kicks me instead, as hard as he can, sending me rolling. I gasp as I hit the coffee table and I groan, sitting up. He walks over to me and pushes me back tot he floor, my back to him. He hits me again with the belt, harder than before and I scream, my arms shaking as I try to hold myself up.

He continues to hit me with the belt for another hour before he goes into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge. I sit up slowly, my shirt soaked with sweat, my back and chest in horrible agony, and I look at my father. He's stumbling about the kitchen in a drunken stupor. I stand to go to my room and Dad yells at me, "Where do you th-think.. You're g-going?! Get back... Here!"

"_No!_" I yell, heading for the stairs, "I'm going to my room! I'm going to stay in there! I'm_ tired_! You let that man hurt me and then you beat me with that belt! I'm _exhausted_ and I'm going to _sleep!_"

"I'll put you to sleep," he growls.

My body shakes and I glare at him, my voice soft, but I know he can hear it, "Are you going to kill me now? Like you killed Ventus?"


	6. Cover The Open Wounds

I stare at him, waiting for his response, and when he finally does speak, it comes out in a growl, "Who the hell told you I killed him?"

"Don't play stupid," I reply, "I _saw_ you drown him in the pond out back. I saw it from my window. Did you forget I was home sick that day?"

He shakes lightly in anger, "Shut your mouth, brat."

I lean against the wall, wincing, "Why should I? It's the truth. I _saw_ you! You drug him outside and then you pushed him into the water. You held his head down until he stopped moving. You _killed_ him! _Admit it!_ Admit you _killed my little brother!_ Say it! Say _it!_"

He glares at me hatefully and he walks up to me and hits the wall right beside my head. He leans in close and growls, "Yeah, I did it. You better learn to hold your tongue boy, or you will wish you were never born."

I glare back at him and mutter, "I already do."

He grunts and pushes me to the floor. He kicks my stomach and frowns, "Get out of my sight."

He then leaves the house and I groan, pushing myself back up. I slowly get to my feet and, leaning against the wall, make my way back to my room. I frown at the bed, fresh anger rushing through me and I trip the bed and throw all the sheets and covers into the laundry, to be done another time. I sit on my bed and look at the clock. Ten o' clock. _It's already ten? So I've been hurt by that man for about an hour, and another hour went by when Dad hit me with the belt.._

I frown, _That man took an hour from me. I still hurt.. _Moving from my room, I go to the bathroom and stare into the mirror. I don't like what I see there. I see a beaten, defeated kid. I don't want to be that. I never wanted to be that. But, at least it was me and not Ven. I hate to say it, but I'm glad he's dead, so he can't go through what I am right now.

I look away from the mirror and instantly my eyes fall on a razor. I stare at it for a few minutes, then I pick it up, "Hmm.. I wouldn't want to forget this night.. Heh..."

I chuckles darkly, shaking my head and I carefully take the blade out of the razor and I hold up my left arm and I cut a vertical line across my pale skin. I wince and groan as the pain hit me fresh. I put some toilet paper over it and hold it there, staring at it as the white paper turns red and soggy. After awhile the cut stops bleeding and I throw the paper away.

I go back to my room and close and lock the door, _Why am I locking it? Dad has a key. _I shrug to myself and leave it locked. I lay on my bed on my side, wincing still, and I set my alarm clock for thirty minutes early so I can take a shower before school. I slowly drift off to sleep then. The alarm goes off at six a.m. and I get up slowly. I turn the alarm off and scramble around in a sleepy daze as I gather clothes I want to wear to school. _A long sleeve shirt, I need a long sleeve shirt.. _

Once I have my clothes I go into the bathroom to take a shower. I gasp in pain and step out of the hot water. I groan and step back in, I have to do this. After I finish my shower and I get dressed. I grab my bag from beside the bed and my phone off the dresser and I head outside to the bus. As I'm waiting, my phone buzzes and I squint at the lit screen.

A message from Axel, again, asking if I'm okay. I sigh and text back, again, that I am, and slip the phone back in my pocket. The bus comes and I take my seat in the very back. I mentally curse myself, realizing my IPod isn't in my bag. I sigh and slump down in my seat. _How could I be so stupid? I left it somewhere in my room. I thought it was in my bag.. _I stare out the window until Axel takes my attention by dropping down beside me, "'Sup?"

I sigh and look at him, "not that much.. You?"

He smiles, but it falters, "Nothing."

I frown, What are you hiding? I shake my head, chuckling, "As uneventful as always, eh?"

"Hey!" he laughs.

I laugh lightly in return and bring my attention back to the window.

"Hey.." Axel's voice is soft and I try to ignore him. He puts a hand on my shoulder, "Is everything okay?"

_Should I tell him about last night?_ I absently pull the sleeve of my left arm down over my hand, "Not... Exactly.."

_No._ He leans closer to me and my cheeks heat up and I frown. He speaks softer than before, so no one else can hear, "Did you have another dream? About Ventus?"

_Lying isn't that bad, is it?_ I look at him and shrug, "Something like that."

He leans back slightly, "Want to talk about it?"

I shake my head, "Not really. I don't need a support group, Axel."

"You might," he frowns, "They're supposed to be able to help. You should talk to someone, your brother died in your back yard, and you've been having nightmares about being drowned. I think you really should see someone."

I shake my head, "I'm not crazy, just stressed, The nightmares will pass."

To tell the truth, I hadn't had one of those dreams in almost a month, of course, he doesn't need to know that. If I can keep him on my brother's death, I can keep him away from what's happening to me now. I have to do what I can to keep him out of this part of my life. I like keeping him out of it, I like keeping everyone out of it. Not that anyone else is that interested in my life, except maybe my only other friends, which may or may not still be friends. My life is so complicated.


	7. Split Part One

"Hayner! Pence! Olette!" I jog over to my friends, smiling lightly.

Hayner grins, "Been awhile since I saw you! Where you been?"

"Around," I shrug.

Pence chuckles, "How have you been, Roxas? We should catch up."

I shake my head, "I've been good enough."

Olette smiles softly, "I heard you've been having nightmares about your brother?"

_Axel._ I frown, "Who told you that?"

She shrugs, "Axel did."

_Knew it._ I sigh, "I have, but it's fine."

She hugs me and I wince, pulling back, "Don't.. Do that.."

She looks hurt and I look away. Her voice is soft, "Roxas?"

_My back still hurts._ I look back at her, "Sorry, Olette."

She frowns lightly, "Are you okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, fine."

She nods slowly, "Good.."

I messed up. I sigh, "sorry, I'm just not feeling too well. How about we all do something after school, like we used to?"

Olette smiles, "That'd be great."

"Yeah!" Hayner says, throwing his arms up.

"Yeah, it sounds awesome!" Pence smiles.

"Am I allowed in this little hang out?" Axel asks.

I turn to him, "Sure."

I smile lightly and he smiles back, patting my back. I hiss in pain and back up, cursing myself again when he looks at me with a worried expression. I cough lightly, "I fell down the stairs this morning, didn't turn the lights on," I shrug, "I'm just a little sore on my back right now."

_Here I go, telling more lies. _Axel seems to relax, "Ah, you should be more careful."

I nod, "I will."

_He doesn't suspect me? Good. _He nods back, "So, uh.. What's going on after school?"

I shrug again, "I just wanted us to hang out, since we don't get to much anymore."

"Who's fault is that?" Axel's voice was soft, but it stung. I look away from him, frowning, "You know what? You four can hang out. I have somewhere else to be after school."

"Roxas!" Olette reaches for me but I move away. I walk away from them then, turning slightly in time to see Olette glare and mutter something to Axel. I turn back forward and keep walking. _Maybe it is better to have no friends at all. That's what I'll have to do. Just drop my friends. They'll be better off without me anyway. Right? And then I won't have to worry about whatever makes me feel weird when I'm around Axel. This is the way things have to be now. I can't afford friends. Too many lies will have to be told. I don't want to be the reason for their unhappiness, too. Like I was for Ventus._

My eyes cloud over, "I'm the reason you died that day. The anniversary of Mom's leaving.."

* * *

_"Roxas!" Ventus grabs my hand, "What are you saying?"_

_I pull away from him, glaring, "I'm saying, I don't want you! All you ever do is whine and complain! It's your fault Mom didn't want to stay!"_

_He backs up, tears filling his eyes, "You're lying!"_

_"Am not," I reply, "I'm not like you." _

_He shakes his head, "Stop it! Tell me what's really upsetting you!"_

_"Nothing is," I say, turning from him, staring out the window, "I just don't understand why Mom left me here. I don't like you, or Dad. I wanted to go with her."_

_"Rox..." Ventus' voice was soft as he walks up beside me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I turn and push him away, "Stop it! I don't want your sympathy!"_

_He stands, looking mad, "I'm trying to help! Why won't you ever let me in?! I'm always here for you, and you don't care! You need to know you're not alone, Roxas! I go through this, too, you know! I have to just sit by and take the beatings, just like you! Don't shut me **out!**"_

_I growl and smack him, "You brat! You think I don't know?! You think I don't freaking know we live in hell?! Stop throwing that in my face! This is why I don't like you! You think you're better than everyone! Well guess what, you're not! You're just a little bratty kid! Why do you look like me when you're nothing like me at all?! I hate you, Ventus!"_

_He stares at me wide-eyed, "Roxas..."_

_"It's not my fault Dad's freaking lost his mind!" I scream, "It's not my fault he can't take rejection!"_

_"Roxas, stop it," he shakes his head, "You're just upset about earlier, you need to calm down."_

_"He's just as messed up as you are!" I scream._

_The door slams open and Dad stands there, eyes dilated and red. He growls at us, "Which one of you brats is talking about me?"_

_His voice was low, and dark. It scares me. Ventus straightens up and looks Dad in the eyes, "It was me."_

_Dad squints, "Which one are you?"_

_I move to object to Ventus' words, but he speaks first, "It's Ventus, Dad. I'm the one talking about you. I'm tired of the way you've been treating me."_

* * *

Anger was clear on Dad's face, and he grabbed Ventus' arm, dragging him from the room. I was frozen in place with fear. I watched helplessly as my brother was taken outside. I stood at the window, wide-eyed as my father shoved him into the pond, and held him down. I watched him flail and kick, trying to get out. I watched him move until he didn't. I watched him lie dead in the pool as Dad made his way back inside. I watched him kill my baby brother and I did nothing. Ventus died because of me, and I did nothing to save him.

I run into someone and I stumble back, blinking hard. I look up at Seifer, who's glaring down at me. I groan softly but all he does is tell me to watch where I'm going, and he walks off, pulling Namine along behind him. She catches my eye, then quickly looks away. I stop, looking after her. _There was something in her eye for a minute when she looked at me. It almost seemed like fear.._


	8. Split Part Two

_The door slams open and Dad stands there, eyes dilated and red. He growls at us, "Which one of you brats is talking about me?"_

_His voice was low, and dark. It scares me. Ventus straightens up and looks Dad in the eyes, "It was Roxas."_

_Dad squints, "Which one is Roxas?"_

_I stare at Ventus, wide-eyed. He keeps talking, his voice unforgiving, "He's the one right there. He's the one talking about you. He says he's tired of the way you've been treating him." _

_Anger is clear on Dad's face and he grabs my arm hard, making me whimper. He ignores my noise and drags me from the room and down the stairs. I almost fall twice. He opens the front door and goes out, still dragging me behind him. He takes me around the house to the back. My eyes widen upon seeing the pond, _He's not going to...? _He spins me around to face him, "I'm going to teach you not to disrespect your elders, boy."_

_"Dad, I-!" I didn't get to finish my sentence because Dad pushes me into the pond and when i come up for air, he pushes me back under, keeping me down by putting his hand on my head. I yell for help, which only makes me lose my breath. I kick and flail, trying to push his hand off somehow, but I can't get free. I look through the water and see Ventus at the window of our room. He stares at me and I yell for him, he just stands there._

_Little black shadow-like hands reach up from under me and wrap around me, pulling me down more. I fight against them, but I can't get out of the water. My chest tightens up and panic sets in. _I'm drowning! Let me up, Dad, I'm drowning!_ I struggle harder then before to get up, but I can't get Dad's arm off my head and the shadow hands claw at my skin, wrapping around my arms, legs, and torso,. pulling me under. _

_The pain in my tightened chest increases and I cry out, only to lose the rest of the breath I had in me. I stop fighting and Dad finally lets go. he stands, smirking down at me from above the water. I blink slowly, no longer having the energy to move. The shadow hands wrap around me fully and drag me further under. My eyes catch Ventus' face once more and he stares down at me in hate. _

I told you I hate you.. I didn't mean it. There's still time, right? You can come down and still save me, right? Right?_ My eyes slide closed and a single word in Ventus' voice is all that's left for me as I"m pulled under the earth of the pond's bottom: "No." _

* * *

I cry out, shooting into a sitting position in my bed. My chest hurts and I gulp in air. I put a hand to my head and sweat pours down my face. I lean over the side of the bed, trying to calm myself down. _It's been months since I've had that dream. Why did it come back now? Why? _I groan softly, sitting up again and I look at the clock by my bed. It's three-thirty in the morning. I take in a shaky breath and stand, wincing. _My back still hurts like hell._ It's been two days since Dad hit me with the belt, or at all.

He hasn't even been home. I sigh and pace my room, my eyes lingering on the window, outside the window, at the pond. I shudder, imagining Ven's body still there, eyes open wide in panic, his lifeless body laying beneath the water for two days, waiting to be fished out by the police. Dad left him there and reported him missing the same day. The cops came to the house two days after the report was made and found him there.

Dad told them he must have fallen in, that he couldn't swim. He was wrong. Ventus had been a great swimmer. I was the one who couldn't swim, still can't. I shudder again and look away from the window. I sit on my bed and pick up my phone. I dial Axel's number, but quickly delete the dial pad. _I'm cutting him lose, like the others, remember? No friends. No weird feelings. Nothing. I'm alone, like I need to be. _I set the phone down and lay back on the bed, "I need to sleep. I still have school tomorrow."

I woke at six-thirty and groan, having slept horribly after waking from the nightmare. I just had the dream again. I get up and slowly get my stuff together. I get dressed in another long sleeve t-shirt and jeans and I grab my bag, looking for my IPod.

"I know it was in here the other day.." I frown, _I can't find it._

I search the rest of the room and still can't find it. I groan and head downstairs to catch the bus out front. I wait outside and watch the bus pull down the street. When it gets to me I get on, taking my same seat in the very back. I sit my bag beside me so Axel can't sit there and face the window. I wince and lean forward slightly, keeping my back off the seat. The bleeding may have stopped, but contact still hurts like hell.

Axel gets on the bus three stops after I do. I ignore him as he comes down the aisle. He stands by my seat and I just stare out the window. He may have said my name, but I'm not sure. He sets my bag on my lap and sits by me. I frown and stay facing the window. He definitely says my name this time and I still ignore him. He places a hand on my shoulder, "Roxas? Is everything okay?"

I shrug his hand off, wincing at the movement and say nothing in return. He sighs and leans back. I look at him slightly, but enough to see him slide a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He asks me to open the window so he can smoke, but I don't move. My frown deepens, _Axel quit smoking after Larxene was put in jail. _He grumbles lightly and stands over my, opening the window. I face heats up again at him being so close, his torso stretched over me. I frown and look away from his body and glare out the window. _I don't want this stupid feeling!_


	9. Split Me Not

I shudder, watching the same man from the last time hand Dad money. He leaves and I look away, then back at Dad. He stands in the doorway, counting the money and he catches my eye. We stay like that, unmoving, staring, for a few moments before he looks away, mumbling something about dinner. I open my mouth to ask him what he said, but closed it again. He leaves and I sigh. A week passed since Dad came back the day I had the nightmare about drowning and this is the second time this week that man has raped me.

I grunt softly and push myself off my bed. I grab some clothes to wear to bed and I go to the bathroom to take a shower. I close and lock the door behind me and I gasp in pain as I pull my shirt over my head and toss it on the floor. I wince and turn around, trying to see the cuts on my back. Most of the cuts are scabbed over and some have broke open, bleeding lightly when I move too much. I groan softly and finish getting undressed. I freeze, catching a glimpse of my slit arm as I discard my clothes in the dirty clothes basket.

Two vertical cuts show on my pale skin. I grit my teeth, "Three times," and I pick up the razor and cut another line into my skin. I put the bloody razor in the tub and turn on the water before stepping in myself, turning on the shower as I close the curtain over the tub. I let the hot water run down my head and back, wincing and hissing softly in pain. The water feels good, but it hurts, too. I shudder, leaning my hand on the wall to keep me upright. Blood drips down my arm and my back and I close my eyes, trying to control my heavy breathing.

After awhile I finish my shower and I get out and get dressed for school. I grab my bag from the side of my bed and head out to the bus, which I almost miss. I take my seat and groan, knowing I can't keep Axel away from me, he just won't stop. That's been confirmed all week. When his stop arrives, I calmly watch him come down the aisle and plop down beside me. He smiles and I smile back lightly, "Hey.."

"Hey, yourself," he grins, "How 'ya been?"

I shrug, "Okay enough.."

He nods, "Makes two of us."

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "Forget about it."

I shake my head now, "No, tell me."

He frowns, "Why? Because you've been such a good friend and have told me everything that's bothering you? I'm not stupid, Roxas. I can see you're trying to make me go away, and that's why I never do. Understand?"

"Not.. Exactly.." I mutter, staring at him wide-eyed.

He shrugs again, lighting a cigarette I didn't see him get, "If you want answers from me, I'm going to need answers from you. Fair trade, right?"

I nod slowly, "Okay.."

"And no lies this time," he eyes me suspiciously, "Because I know you've been lying to me."

I swallow and no, "Okay.."

He nods, "Right, so, what do you wanna know?"

I sit up straighter, ignoring the protests of my injured back, "Why are you smoking again?"

He smiles lightly, "You noticed."

I frown, "It's not like it's a big secret, Axel."

He shrugs, "'Course not. Ahem, the question. Why am I still smoking?"

I nod and he continues, "Well, while you were off in 'Roxas Land,' I have been dealing with some stuff of my own.. Last week, I came home from school to find my mom passed out on the floor. I found out she'd been doing drugs again. I called her in, and since I'm seventeen, I was able to stay at the house alone. And that's what I've been. Alone. So yeah, I picked up smoking again, to calm my nerves. Nasty habit, I know."

I stare at him, "Axel.."

He shakes his head, "Don't feel sorry for me, Rox. I've got this all under control. The smoking's temporary, I promise. I'll stop it once things get back to normal, sort of."

He coughs then glances my way, "Your turn to spill it. Hmm, I see dark circles around your eyes, you're paler than before, and then there's that story about you falling down the stairs, which is a load of shit. Explain 'Falling-Down-The-Stairs' lie."

I look away from him, _Guess I didn't fool him as well as I thought I did. Should I tell him? Lie again? What do I do?_

"If you're thinking about lying to me, don't. We can't be friends if you keep me at arms length," he says.

I look at him and swallow, "Right.."

_Guess I have no choice now.._

He nods, "Right. Now spill it."

I look around, to make sure no one's close enough to listen, and no one is, they never are. We're the only ones who sit in the very back. I look back at Axel and take in a big breath, "About my back.. The reason it's hurt so bad..." _Don't be like this, he just shared his secret with you, so return the favor! Return the favor!_ I shut my eyes and take in another breath, "The reason..."

I open my eyes to see him watching me. Something passes through his eyes that I don't catch. He touches my shoulder lightly, "Take your time. We have all day."

Did we? I nod and sigh, looking him in the eye, "The reason my back hurts so bad is because... I... A week ago.. I..." I groan and frown, Why can't I say it? Don't be a wuss, Roxas! Just tell him that your dad's beating you! I swallow and lick my lips, trying to force the words out my mouth, "Last week... I... Ugh! My dad beat me with a belt last week!"

I said it quietly, but it felt like I was shouting. My chest hurts and I don't know why. I look up at Axel and he's staring at me with wide eyes. He frowns then, his green eyes narrowing, "He... What?"

I look away, my voice barely audible now, "He beat me with a belt."

Axel stares at me, "Is that.. The first time he's done that?"

"With the belt?" I don't look at him, "Yes."

"Has he.. Hit you before?" he asks.

I nod slowly, "All the time.."

_One of my secrets are out, and I can't take it back now. And now that Axel knows, I can't ditch him like I planned.._ He puts a hand on my shoulder, "It'll be okay."

I narrow my eyes at him, "You can't tell anyone. Promise me you won't tell anyone."

He looks pained, but nonetheless, he promises.


End file.
